I logged into an old blog this morning for the first time in at least two years. My intention was to delete my account but as I began reading my old posts, one stuck out to me and glared at me straight between the eyes...and penetrated my heart. This has been a season of painful but necessary refinement for me. I want to share this post because even though it was written a long time ago, God used it to remind me what He is doing in me NOW.
November 9, 2007:
Things have been really crazy lately. My heart is heavy and my head feels as though it will explode any minute now. It would not be a suprise if I were to sponaneously combust in the next few days or weeks. There are so many things in my heart that God has been dealing with me on for the past few weeks: surrendering, conviction, reconciliation, forgiving, releasing, healing, grace, mercy, love, faith, believing, hope, trusting...just to name a few, HA!
Some things I have learned from my conversations with the Heavenly Father:
True forgiveness is forgiving someone even if they don't deserve it...and even if they fail to ask.
True forgiveness does not worry about what the other person will do with it but rests in peace that the right thing was done.
I recently got to thinking about the things going on in my life and some of the feelings towards others I've held inside. It is so easy to hold something against someone else but the person it hurts the most is me. By harboring unforgiveness I am hurting myself in the process, allowing another person to have control over me that they don't deserve...and most of the time they have no clue!
Christ walked the hill to calvary and in his final moments on earth his grace and mercy was absolutely astonishing. Looking down at the very people who yelled, "Crucify Him!, the people who spit at him, mocked him, beat him, shoved the crown of thorns upon his head, pierced his side, and nailed him to a cross...the same people who stripped him of his clothes and earthly dignity...he still pleaded to his father, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do!" How amazing it that?!?!? So I was thinking in light of all that Christ has done for me, who am I to not forgive someone?
If I am not willing to stand up and admit that I have made mistakes and am not perfect, and ask for forgiveness from others, how can I expect those I lead to follow me?
There are many many many other things floating through the raging sea that is my brain but they will have to wait for another day.
Thank you for another day in which to praise you. Thank you for my husband, my children, for meeting our needs, the crunchy autumn leaves, a blue sky, the sun, and your Son who died for the sins of man. You are mighty, you are awesome and I am believing you for a miracle in my life and the life of the church in general! May there be a great awakening in your bride all accross the world. May we each open our eyes to the things in us that need to change and may we be willing to take the necessary steps towards that change. There needs to be a change, Lord. Let it begin in me. Amen! I think that post says it all. I hope it speaks to your heart as it did mine. Have a wonderful day and God bless!