This week has been interesting to say the least. Our church is going through a period of revival through Life Action Ministries and, although I have only been able to attend a couple days thus far, my heart has already been moved in many ways. At first, I wondered how in the world anything could be accomplished in just two hours an evening and then God showed me just how BIG he is and how small I am. What a humbling experience it was to realize that I was putting limitations on the God of the universe. Wow!
We did this spiritual inventory individually that was very detailed. It was like taking a lie detector test. I was waiting for God to strike me with lightning if I put the wrong answer. We were instructed that the "or" between "Yes or No" was not an option and that's when I new I was in trouble... But seriously, to see your whole Christian walk on paper, to really answer truthfully and to see the results laid out unapologetically in front of you is humbling. And heartbreaking. This inventory was not meant to be passed because that would take perfection and there was only one perfect person ever to walk that face of the earth and that was Jesus Christ. Still, I struggled with my answers and with feelings of not being worthy or good enough and wondered how I could become good enough. God's answer to my thoughts: "You can't be good enough. That's why my son had to die. For you. Because I love you. Accept my love. Live for me. Shine for me."
See, the purpose of the inventory was not to inflict pain and invoke a pity party but rather to shine light on the darkened places deep within me that I didn't even know were there. Although it was painful, like pouring rubbing alcohol on an open wound, seeing my sin in black and white opened my eyes anew to the gift that God has given me through Christ Jesus. It reminded me of WHO is really in control and that my life is not my own. My eyes were opened to areas that need a lot of work and God assured me that He will be right there. It is amazing what a difference a couple of hours can make in one's life. Thank you Jesus for revival! I pray that you bring a great awakening to your people. May your church rise up and proclaim you at all costs. You are worthy! Thank you for looking at my life and revealing the decay and filth and for taking all of it upon yourself. Thank you for your obedience to death! You are savior, redeemer, friend. I love you Jesus. Amen.